Tough Days

This story should take a very long time to be read :D Hey but don't ever click 'go back to the previous page'. I'm gonna tell those main parts only, so you have to thank God for this. *devil laugh*

 No mood for eating, no matter how much I love it. From all exciting things, the only one I still do is laughing (well, sometimes). Thanks God, people around me know every single words I need! But still... I'm getting tired of searching for some refreshments that (hopefully) could heal this pain. Seems like the spirits had gone, just all of them.

I wanted to sleep and hope nobody would wake me up until the next beautiful day God had destined for me. That was the only idea I got when daddy said he couldn't come to my graduation party. Rawrrrr -...- I really wanted to bite my dad's boss who decided to come to Merauke (yeah he works in that far away place) and held a meeting on May 30th 2012 - June 2nd 2012. 

whoever they are :D

dad, in one of his surveys

He felt really sorry for that, yeah I believed in him, since he never disappoints me. However, this is God's plan. There's a serious thing that broke my mood into little pieces. This is what was going on.

I failed. I failed on my National Exam. I was not the one who was called firstly by the headmaster (we got the annoying one) as the best student this year, not as the one who got the highest final score, not even as the one who got the best National Exam score. I was in the 2nd position and... what made it even worse was I got the same final score (the highest one) just as the 1st ranked-boy got. Hemmm well after all, I did not get that 1st rank. My name was only called once when that boy got twice or maybe 3-4 times. Just because he got higher National Exam score. Is that really the best reason?

My National Exam score was only 38,80 and it's gonna be so hard for me to go to the higher leveled-school I've been dreaming in my whole tough days. SMA N 3 Yogyakarta. Hopefully, God knows that I've done my best. That was my real score, I got it myself. Without cheating, asking, or even buying the National Exam question sheets + their key answers. Ahh... whatever they do, I'll stay on the right track, no matter how hard it is now.

me and the top-10 students. dad posted this on his facebook

 Maybe dad wasn't allowed to come because of this. God did not want him to be disappointed. But, he's not that kind of person, God. He knew I've done my best, and he said I was still his number one, no matter which rank I got here. Mom had the same opinion as him. They said as long as I did it myself, as long as that was my own score and I tried to get it myself, every results will be willingly accepted. Hey, but I still have to do my best. I love them very much! And we thanked God for this blissful gift...

But the party ran very well, I'm sure I'm gonna miss it someday...We performed some great performances. Sang our favorite songs, smiled, laughed, and took photos!!!

9th grader's choral group

mila, osa, risa, sekar

ne~ I read my own poem

A Thousand Miles - Me & Osa

SMILE! :D

They fixed my mood. A little, but it helps me a lot. I'm going to be recovered soon, and coming back as the 'usual' me. I'll still do my best (Mr. Ben adds 'as usual' and I thank him very much for that) and keep staying on His right track (this is his sentence too, I borrow it for a while :D). Well I'm gonna ignore these questions I made for God (I'm sorry for writing them in their original version :P I mean in Indonesian) Ignore them too if you think this part isn't that important :

Tuhan, apa sudah Kau ganti peraturan-Mu? Apa kini mencontek Kau perbolehkan? Tuhan, apa sudah Kau ganti peraturan-Mu? Apa kini berbuat tidak jujur Kau perbolehkan? Tuhan, apa sudah Kau ganti peraturan-Mu? Apa kini mereka yang tidak jujur yang Kau takdirkan menang? (lots of students, some schools out there) Bukankah sudah lama aku tetap bersabar? Bukankah Kau ingin aku bertahan di jalan yang benar dan aku merasa sungguh mempertahankannya? Bukankah Kau ingin aku tetap percaya, dan nyatanya aku tetap percaya? Bukankah aku mengabaikan mereka yang mencontek dan tetap berjuang sendiri, dan Kau tahu seberapa kesalnya aku yang berusaha mati-matian? Tuhan, kami sama, aku pun ingin demikian. Ingin mama dan papa tersenyum bahagia, jadi apa bedanya? Tuhan, bukankah aku sudah belajar serajin mereka pula? Tuhan, bukankah aku sudah berusaha mengerjakan sebaik mungkin seperti yang mereka lakukan? Tuhan, bukankah aku meminta pada-Mu, mungkin sebanyak mereka meminta... Tuhan, bukankah Kau temani aku setiap sepertiga malamnya? Bukankah Kau lihat aku bersujud dan benar memohon? Bukankah Kau ajari aku agar tidak riya untuknya dan menungguku yang saat itu masih tertatih? Tuhan, bukankah Kau dengar doa mama dalam setiap shalatnya? Bukankah tidak Kau abaikan doa papa yang terselip di antara tugas paginya? Tuhan, indah ya, mereka menyayangiku. Kau ingat mereka bangun dan berpuasa bukan? Tuhan, bukankah aku juga ingin doaku Kau dengarkan seperti Kau dengarkan doa mereka? Ahh, maafkan aku yang terlalu banyak bertanya. Terlalu banyak meminta. Bahkan ketika yang Kau tagih pun beum sepenuhnya kupenuhi. Tidakkah keadilan-Mu kali ini terlalu tersembunyi? Atau sebodoh inikah aku hingga tak mengerti di mana Kau letakkan adilnya? Kau tetap yang benar. Aku saja yang terlalu payah, luput berkali-kali mencari. Ketika rasanya seperti tidak bisa melihat...

Although He hasn't answered them. Hemmm okay I think that's all. My last sentence will still be: God, Thank you very much for everything You had given and sorry for the 'greedy' me.